


Please don't say you love me

by scalira



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst I guess, But with a happy ending, M/M, also cw for arophobia, grey-homoromantic raphael, idk what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 09:59:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6513592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scalira/pseuds/scalira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s whispered against slick skin, around barely held back moans, when Simon’s legs are wrapped securely around Raphael’s waist and his fingers harshly tug in his hair.</p><p>“Te Amo, Simon. Te Amo.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please don't say you love me

**Author's Note:**

> I want to make sure to mention that I in no way think people on the aromantic spectrum are broken. I just wanted to play with the idea of Raphael thinking of himself as such.

It’s whispered against slick skin, around barely held back moans, when Simon’s legs are wrapped securely around Raphael’s waist and his fingers harshly tug in his hair.

“ _Te Amo_ , Simon. _Te Amo._ ”

Simon falters in his movements, gazes into Raphael’s dark eyes. Maybe he’s looking for the lie, or maybe for some cruelty. Like this is a joke. But Raphael’s eyes look sincere, maybe even fearful.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.” Simon feels like crying. He wants to push Raphael off and run away, but he wants him right where he is even more. His blunt fingernails dig into Raphael’s back, drag over his skin angrily.

Because Simon knows he can’t possibly mean it. He remembers his early days as a fledgling too clearly, when it still hurt to think about his lost life as a Mundane and he only found comfort in Raphael’s bed. He’d made it very clearly back then, that he could never love Simon like he deserved to be loved.

Raphael had called himself broken. When Simon had looked at him, had reached out to soothe the frown tugging at his eyebrows, he had almost believed him. But how could this man, this dark angel, be broken when he made Simon feel so complete?

That was before. Before Simon started feeling for Raphael the way Raphael couldn’t feel for him, before he let love corrupt him. Simon thought he was broken too, then. Self-destructive. Seeking love where it couldn’t be found.

They were just two broken boys, trying to find mending in each other.

Raphael lets his head fall to Simon’s chest.

“I mean it, Simon,” he whispers into his skin.

“How?”

“I don’t know. I just do. I love you.” He looks up at him through his eyelashes, eyes glazed over not with lust or desire. But with affection.

“I think you fixed me.”

Simon wants to believe him, but he’s known Raphael to be this broken man, unable to love, for too long. He can’t offer him his heart if he’s just gonna return it split in two.

“Prove it.”

Raphael stills on top of him completely, only moving his hand to wipe some sticky hair out of Simon’s face. Then he tilts his head, moves forward and presses a kiss to Simon’s neck.

All those times Simon found his way to Raphael’s bed, every time Raphael took him into his arms, he never kissed him _there_. Neck kissing, and by extend neck biting and feeding off each other, is a deed of affection, of complete trust and loyalty. Only vampires planning to spend the rest of eternity together do it.

Raphael hesitates before sinking his fangs into Simon’s sensitive skin. He gazes up to him, wordlessly asks him for permission. Simon wants to shake his head, wants to take his own heart and keep it safe from Raphael’s touch, but as the older vampire moves again to lick the spot he just kissed, Simon realizes he gave his heart to Raphael a long time ago.

When Raphael finally bites down into Simon’s flesh, gentle like he’s never been before, Simon’s breath catches in his throat. His vision blurs and is replaced by the visions he’s heard so much about, the ones vampires share through biting. Simon may have presented his heart to Raphael on a silver platter ages ago, but Raphael is doing it right now. He allows Simon to take a look at his past and offers him a place in his future at the same time.

There are imagines of an old house, of a beautiful woman who must’ve been his mother. Small children – his brothers. Church and praying and believing. Then there’s fear, panic. The feeling of gearing up for war. Now’s there violence, teeth, blood. The Turning. And then there are flashing images of faces and feelings, fast and meaningless as if he never really experienced them at all.

And then, as the vision slows down, there’s Simon’s own face staring back at him. Smiling or grinning or yelling, human emotions in an immortal body. Raphael’s hands on his skin, his lips swollen and his eyes lidded. He can see the way he looks at Raphael through Raphael’s own eyes, like he hung the moon for Simon and Simon alone.

When the vision eventually comes to an end, there’s only pleasure left. Raphael nibbles at his skin, moves his tongue over the two tiny holes he left behind to heal them. Simon presses into the touch, pulls Raphael closer to his unbeating heart.

“I love you, Simon. _Mi rayo de sol._ My sunshine. Do you believe me?”

Simon is actually crying now, bloody tears running down his cheeks and dripping into the mattress.

Raphael moves to kiss them away and then presses his lips to Simon’s closed eyelids. His lips travel down his cheeks back to his mouth, where he presses the softest of kisses.

“I do,” Simon eventually mutters.

“I believe you.”

And then, so quiet it almost gets lost in the small space between their bodies, he whispers: “I love you too.”

Simon thought they were both broken, both unfixable, two sides of the same coin. But two broken halves just make one perfect whole.

They were just two broken boys, and they found mending with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> This is really short but I woke up with the first line in my head and I really had to write something about it. Let me know what you think!


End file.
